I love epiphanies! It’s almost like being high for a while. You have a great moment of realization, and suddenly everything makes sense and falls into place. Sometimes only briefly, but long enough to make an impact permanently.
I was thinking about my son and granddaughter the other day, and when I was married and all the excitement and chaos of having a family. My heart started to ache when I thought about those things because I missed everybody so much, and all the moments ran through my mind like a favorite old movie. I felt sad thinking about everything. Then suddenly it dawned on me that those were moments in my life that made me the happiest. Those moments made me the person that I am today. So even though I may not have those people in my life, or even have that kind of life anymore, it doesn’t mean I have to look back on that with the sense of loss. I need to hold onto those happy feelings. I need to appreciate those moments. For example, even though my marriage ended in divorce, I got to experience the joy of getting married. I got to experience marriage with all its ups and downs. Those moments made me who I am. And even though I no longer have my son and granddaughter in my life, all those moments spent with them were precious. I got to experience the miracle of being a grandmother. I got to experience this sheer pleasure of hearing her little voice say grandma. Those moments brought happiness in my life, and defined me. I got to experience that unconditional love of being a mother. Those were happy moments that nobody can take away from me. And I need to appreciate those moments because that is what brought happiness to my heart. And even though my heart may be broken, it is on the mend because of all these precious moments that I appreciate now. Because in those moments, I have an eternity of love in my heart. And I let those moments turn into heartache.
I’m still piecing this together as I speak so forgive me if I tend to go off base. But it’s almost like enjoying your favorite meal, and the pleasure and satisfaction you feel afterwards. You don’t look back on it sadly because it’s over with, you just remember how good it was. So I’m just going to remember how good everything was, and enjoy the pleasure of those moments.
The monster is losing